March 11th 2017

Have you every been in love? I sure have. Once a long time ago, maybe not that long ago but it sure feels like it now. Well it takes forever to get over the one you love after they break your heart. Sometimes it takes time and sometimes it takes a person. Well for me it was a person. He wasn’t perfect by any means. And at first I didn’t want to date him. Well things escalated and I ended up falling head over heals for this ‘man.’ We argued, he couldn’t commit, I couldn’t stay away. I kept running back into his arms and that’s what made him think he could treat me the way he did. I had boyfriends in between our on sessions. And sometimes I slept with him  while I was dating someone else. Yeah yeah cheating is awful and what not but I don’t regret. Clearly I wasn’t happy where I was. Well I was there for him when ever he needed me, but when I needed him… Unanswered texts, unreturned calls. Then after a week or two I’d get a drunken ‘Hey. Come over.’ And the whole routine started over. That lasted for a year. After a while I was sick of it.

At the end of our first year of whatever the hell that was, I told him how I really felt, I needed to know if for once he would tell me he wanted me for me and not just for the lonely drunk nights when he needed a fuck. Well… once again he couldn’t tell me the truth/what I wanted to hear. I wasn’t shocked one bit. I wasn’t even that hurt to be honest. That was when I blocked him on literally everything. And let me tell you that was a very peaceful month. Yes, month. Old habits die hard folks and one night while out at my favorite bar, that I know him to frequent, I decided to unblock him and see if he was out that night. I am not entirely sure what I was hoping for that night but ummm lets just say it did not end well. He was there, we were both wasted and I wasn’t caring about a damn thing. We made out and then I remembered why I hated him so. There’s not a lot I remember from that night. I did not fall into his arms and go home with him. I did not fall for that same old shit once again. The night ended up with me balling my eyes out int the arms of the man i currently like. I feel way too awful about that still…

That was 1 week ago…

A couple nights ago I get a text… I’m sure you can guess who, well lets just say I am done putting up with his shit and I have not been very nice. I also have a nice groups of friends who have my back and are apparently willing to go to jail for me. I am actually going to share a quote from our lovely group chat. The context: I told them all who had texted me(aka the boy) “I’ll fucking make him into mayonnaise. I’ll destroy his little bitch ass. I’ll run his ass over with my jeep…” It goes on and on.

If there’s something you should take from this its don’t hold on to a guy who can’t even tell you how he honestly feels and who only texts you when he’s drunk. Get a man who is honest and kind and loves every part of you unconditionally. Also surround yourself with people who would do anything for you. Especially turn an asshole boy into mayonnaise.

Always remember to love yourself first though. Because if you can’t love you then how do you expect others to love you.

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