This is a letter to the friend who wasn’t there when it could have changed everything…
You are one of the best things to ever happen to me. I met you going into my senior year of high and you changed my life for the better, then for the worse. It was church camp. My favorite time of year. I got to go hiking and there was always so much fellowship. Well one night on that trip I had a lot weighing on my mind as I was planning my senior year. You and I talk for what seemed like hours in the church van out front of our dorms for that week. We cried and laughed and you gave me some amazing advice. I remember it all like it was yesterday.
During the school year you would pick me up for high school youth group because you knew that was the only way I would go. At the beginning of my senior year a classmate I had known since we moved there had shot himself and died in the hospital that night. That shook my senior class. The following Sunday you picked me up for youth group. Halfway through one of the songs during worship, I had to leave. I was balling out in the hallway just thinking about everything that had happened and couldn’t believe that this had happened. You came and held me and talked me through it all till I was able to stand and head back inside.
I went through high school with you by my side. Granted you were a lot older than me I could always count on you no matter what. Well I graduated and you came and watched me walk and that meant the world to me. I couldn’t believe someone cared about me that much that wasn’t my family. We laughed at my party and you met my family. You were one of my best friends.
I moved to college and took my treasures you gave me along the way. I started falling off the edge. I started drinking and partying. Well one night you texted me that you were going to be in town and we should get dinner, your treat. I was soooo excited. We set a date and made those plans. The day came and I got all dressed up because I was so excited to see my friend who impacted me so much. Just didn’t realize how much at the time. Well you texted me that you were running a little behind with work but we could get dessert. I waited in the lobby of my dorm room for an hour. My friends came and went to go have fun. I was still waiting. I texted and called you about a dozen times. No answer. I’m sure I left a few voice mails. I waited some more in the lobby. More calls made and texts sent. Still nothing. I finally went up to my room and cried for a while because you had stood me up. I was hurt. I decided to go hang out with my friends.
I never heard from you again. I needed you. You could have changed everything if you had been there. I may have been different. I may have been able to stay at that school and fix who I was. For weeks after that one night, I texted you, I looked to see if there had been any accidents. I looked for your obituary. I thought you had died… I finally came to terms with the fact that you were gone from my life. I didn’t understand why someone would just give up on me.
I didn’t see you until a year later. Do you know what that did to me? That broke me. You were doing just fine. I was nothing to you. I cried more for a while.
The impact you had on me was life changing. If you had been there that one night or even called me back to tell me what had happened, I maybe wouldn’t feel unwanted. I maybe would have forgiven you. All I needed was a friend. One who understood me and helped me through it all. All I wanted was someone who didn’t leave.
Thank you for that.
The friend you abandoned.